Codependency and Compulsive Helping is an emotional challenges, typically, though not exclusively proven, to be linked to traumatic events, usually in childhood or as a teenager, even though our parents & family are well-meaning and never abusive or particularly negative.
It is considered that many micro-traumas or just one major trauma may contribute towards a dysfunctional understanding of ourselves and our environment, which causes us to overcompensate and reach out to others for certainty, or to create a desired emotional response – it’s like we’re using other people as a way to self-administer a hit of dopamine to ourselves – like a drug.
Codependency is a learned behaviour that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioural condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Codependent behaviour is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behaviour.
Source – Mental Health America
Codependency Treatment at Holina Rehab, Koh Phangan, Thailand.
Codependency leaves one person’s sense of self-worth and emotions entirely dependent on someone else. There are several signs we keep observing in our codependency treatment program that you or someone you know may be falling into a codependent relationship. Here are the signs and symptoms to watch for:
✤ You feel like maybe you ask for too much
✤ Your space doesn’t feel like it’s yours
✤ You routinely cancel plans to spend time with your partner
✤ You have trouble being alone
✤ You feel anxious when you don’t hear from them
✤ It’s difficult to explain how you’re feeling about your relationship
✤ Taking time out for self-care makes you feel selfish
✤ You want to change who they are
✤ You feel like you need to save them from themselves
Codependency is considered a disorder that manifests itself in a form of emotional immaturity, considered to be caused by some form of mild or significant childhood trauma, that triggers feelings of shame or guilt in the person, however unmerited.
Codependents are people who’ve developed an immature or childish response to certain scenarios, it compromises their ability to appropriately respond to a situation, causing them to act in a self-seeking way to attain an emotional stimulus that helps them feel better about themselves.
Traumatic childhood experiences, whether micro or major, maybe cause of emotional or behavioural distress in your adult life and relationships, which can lead you into negative thinking patterns and limiting beliefs such as:
✤ I am responsible for how others feel, and this is important to me
✤ If my partner is upset or angry, it must be my fault
✤ My feelings are not as important as my partner’s feelings. I need them to be happy
✤ I must be who my partner wants and needs me to be
✤ I don’t trust my feelings and judgment. I prefer to trust my partner’s observations
✤ My partner’s problems must also be my problems
✤ If someone mistreats me, it must be my fault
✤ I need my partner’s approval to feel the value
Codependent relationships and partnerships that involve Compulsive Helpers are more and more prevalent and obvious in today’s modern society. Typically, they display an inability to find much satisfaction outside of their private relationships, but this is complicated and contributes towards a massive compromise in someone’s quality of life because they end up neglecting their own needs or wants to care for their partner, doing anything to avoid upset or rejection from them.
For this reason, these people usually stay in toxic or abusive relationships, and ultimately are unhappy with their lives, but yet unable to find the strength or courage to leave the relationships. Depression is a common crossover with people in codependent or compulsive helping relationships.
